Talking Pictures

Nicolas Cage is back from Hell and wants revenge and will stop at nothing to find those who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

That’s all you need to know about “Drive Angry” – and maybe perhaps that it carries an R for a reason.

A violent and graphically brutal “grind house” film which makes optimum use of Cage’s deadpan style and 3-D effects, “Drive Angry” is darkly funny.

I will admit “Drive Angry” is not for everyone.

But it is for those looking for some fast-paced, no holes barred adult entertainment. And some pretty cool and very fast cars.

It gets a B and is rated R.

Hall Pass is a great example of a film trying too hard to be over-the-top. This uneven comedy, starring Owen Wilson, would have fared better if it lost the grosser scenes (which seemed to be tacked on anyway) and went with a PG-13 rating.

What “Hall Pass” suffers from is “Hangover” envy. But mistakes “gross slop” for “cleverly outrageous” at every turn, making the experience under whelming and forgettable.

“Hall Pass” gets a D and is rated R.

Even with the teaming of Martin Lawrence with Brandon T. Jackson (Tropic Thunder) this film is anything BUT entertaining. In fact it’s the opposite of entertainment, whatever that is.

A total misfire on everyone’s part and I hope who ever “green lit” this at the studio is in the unemployment line tomorrow.

In a word “Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son” is “Crap-tacular!”

It gets an F and is rated PG-13

Think “Escape to Witch Mountain” for older kids and you’ve pretty much got the idea of the new sci-fi film, “ I Am Number Four,” starring Alex Pettyfer, Teresa Palmer and Dianna Agron.

The story is about a group of nine “special” young men and women (by special I mean extraterrestrial) who are sent to Earth for protection. They are hunted by another group of aliens who are killing them off one by one in order of their ability ranking.

Although the plot is a well worn, the film does have a few pluses, like the special effects sequences, which are really well done. Also Teresa Palmer and Timothy Oliphant are in the film.

On the down side (other than Pettyfer and Palmer) we never really meet any of the remaining aliens who are being hunted, which would have made for a better climatic ending. The way the film ends is more like the prologue to a TV series leaving a lot of open ends to be sewn up.

Because of that “I Am Number Four” never catches fire and becomes another less than satisfying sci-fi film.

It gets a C- and is rated PG-13

I want to begin by saying “Gnomeo and Juliet” isn’t a film I would recommend for little kids. The animated film feels too long and contains much to much adult humor to be appreciated by small children. Also the film is laden with political and social messages that go from a subtle nudge to a slap in the face.

“Gnomeo and Juliet” is released through Touchstone Pictures, the more adult oriented arm of the Disney Company for those reasons.

The film re-tells Shakespeare’s classic tale using lawn gnomes. Each family of gnomes is bedecked in a different color, red or blue. Juliet, a red gnome falls for Gnomeo, a blue gnome and thus the conflict begins as the star-crossed lovers try to find a way to be together as their families fight.

The film tries too hard be kid-friendly and succeeds a few times getting laughs, but over-all “Gnomeo & Juliet” is too serious about itself. Because of that, I think adults will fare better from the film than their kids will.

I am giving it an extra ½ grade for the cleaver use of (Executive Producer) Elton John’s music.

“Gnomeo & Juliet” gets a C and is rated G.

Set in ancient Rome, The Eagle focuses on a young Roman soldier on his first command. He is assigned to oversee a distant fort staffed by uninspired men. Then, as fate would have it, he out maneuvers an attacking enemy and wins the day and the respect of his men.

However, he is wounded in battle and decides on an early retirement to pursue his true intent of uncovering the mystery of his soldier father’s death and to bring back the emblem of his lost battalion, a gold eagle.

All this happens in the first 20 minutes of the film as a device to explain the character of “Marcus,” played by Channing Tatum.

While Marcus is healing at his uncle’s house, he saves a slave (Jamie Bell) from death in the arena and the two set off on the adventure of clearing Marcus’ father’s name and locating the lost battalion and their emblem.

During their long and arduous road trip, we discover the slave’s back story as the son of the leader of the opposing side whom Marcus’ father fought and slaughtered.

Although the two are at odds, they begin to trust each other. Think “Enemy Mine” meets “Gladiator” and you kind of get the idea.

Although the film is predictable, familiar and even a bit long in the tooth, it isn’t without merit. Every so often we need to be reminded there are two sides to every battle. And the themes found in the film are universal concepts. Themes like the father’s honor, the son’s redemption. There’s the slave and master sub-plot and yes, the enemies that must work together for a common goal storyline.

These plots are not only part of Greek and Roman stories, but can be found in westerns and sci-fi films as well.

And I think “The Eagle” deals with these themes very well, but with too heavy a hand. The majority of the audiences seeing this film might appreciate some lighter moments to offset the film’s heavier sequences.

I also think the problem most audiences will have with the film is there’s not that many battles and action to underscore the story. What action there is in the film, is mired with almost too much “realism.”

Relying mostly on dialogue to keep the plot moving, “The Eagle” forgets the basic rule of making a film – “Show us not tell us.”

Channing Tatum actually offers up a decent performance, but to be honest, it’s hard to accept him in this kind of role. Tatum is simply out of the audience’s comfort zone.

On the other hand, Jamie Bell’s performance feels more natural as he slips into his role somewhat easier and actually plays off of Tatum’s stiff-necked Roman fairly well.

That being said, the film still needed to offer more rock and less talk to become a better than an average movie experience.

It gets a C and is rated PG-13.

Anytime a script calls for 3 or more people to be trapped somewhere trying to escape, you enter the cliché zone. And “Sanctum” is no exception.

The film revolves around a group of cave divers, financed (of course) by an eccentric billionaire who get trapped in a massive cave they are exploring. As their expensive equipment begins to fail, they struggle to stay alive and find a way out.

Ok, sounds like a good plot but what the film does is boil everything down to its basic stereotype and the film becomes predictable, formulaic and boring. So boring most of the audience was looking for a way out long before the actors on the screen.

On the bright side, the 3-D effects in the film were done remarkably well, but that doesn’t erase the fact that bad is even worse in 3-D.

When all is said and done, “Sanctum” is a forgettable film with paper-thin characters and a lackluster script they tried selling to James Cameron fans by attaching his name (as Executive Producer) to the poster art and TV ads.

It gets a D and is rated R

One of the best films of the year, “The Fighter” stars Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams and in what is sure to be an Oscar-nominated performance, Christian Bale.

Bale creates a complex character as Dicky Eklund, a “never was” fighter whose claim to fame is he may have knocked down Sugar Ray in a prizefight. Now a drug addict, Dicky has been training his brother, Micky Ward (Wahlberg) to jump into the ring.

Bale, ever the master manipulator, brings us a multi-dimensional character both pathetic and regal.

Mark Wahlberg (who also produces the film) gives Micky Ward a vulnerability and innocence that in itself is extremely charming. Adding to his performance is Wahlberg’s determination to physically change himself during the course of the film, adding and losing muscles and weight.

This movie so compelling and so human, it’s hard not to see this film without feeling you intimately know each character.

“The Fighter” is one of the best films of the year and gets an A – its rated R.

The much anticipated “TRON: Legacy” is a mess. Great special effects are mixed with uninspired acting and a lackluster plot to create a totally unmemorable movie experience.

Disney should have delivered to us a story that would have been worth the nearly 30 year wait. Instead, like Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, the Producers thought they would hit box office gold just by bringing back some of the main characters from the original film.

Not so.

They forgot today’s audiences demand story along with their special effects and 3-D glasses. And “TRON: Legacy” just doesn’t have enough story or acting to carry the effects.

And for that reason I’m giving “TRON: Legacy” a D. It’s rated PG.

“Yogi Bear” is a “starter film” – a film you take little children to for their first visit to a movie theater. And for that the movie really does a good job entertaining little ones.

However the adults accompanying those little children will find “Yogi Bear” tiresome as the one-joke premise will grate on the nerves of anyone over 9 years old.

So, as a child’s movie the film rates a B-… as a film for the rest of us it gets a C-. “Yogi Bear” is rated PG.