Talking Pictures

Rich’s Quickie: Poli-Sci for kids.

Gno Way! A re-telling of William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” as seen though the eyes of competing garden Gnome families (imagine hearing THAT in a pitch meeting), “Gnomeo and Juliet” instead plays out as not-so subtle political message for the young ones.
The Blues don’t talk to the Reds and neither do the Reds bother with the Blues, except to mess with them. The Reds seem to be perennially on the attack (even dastardly cheating in a lawn mower drag race), and the Blues are always on the defensive. But their endless bickering threatens the condition of both their gardens, as well as the possible relationship between our two star-crossed lovers. This metaphor goes so far as to show an explosion looking much like a mushroom cloud when one of the opposing lawn mowers explodes during a raid on the others’ garden. But at least everything ends up okay, as Gnomeo and Juliet ride off into the sunset on a purple lawn mower.
Further, when not overtly political, the movie makes use of referential humor to other movies kids probably haven’t – and maybe shouldn’t – have seen; “American Beauty” and “Brokeback Mountain” among them. The audience I attended this screening with was fairly quiet throughout (although they were also pretty quiet during the previews of “Mars Needs Moms” and “Cars 2,” so maybe they just weren’t in the mood).
The best part of this movie is an online advertisement for a supped-up lawn mower that I so obviously funny (apparently even to the filmmakers) that they show it twice.

Way. This is all set to the music of Elton John, and mostly – thankfully –his older, classic stuff (although the viewer is subjected to a few throwaway new tunes). But even there, decisions are confusing; the opening lawn-mower drag race sequence is set to a thankfully un-updated “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting”, while the words to “Crocodile Rock” are puzzlingly changed. Some songs made sense in their placement, others less so. At least Exec Producer John knew enough to leave out the lyrics to “The Bitch Is Back” when using it in a kid’s film.
Finally, as far as voice work is concerned (and although I love Emily Blunt), her choice as Juliet and James McAvoy as Gnomeo is as much of a head-scratcher as anything else; their voices are still too unknown to memorable. And is it just me, or does Michael Caine sound positively BORED whenever he does voice work? At least Patrick Stewart is perfectly cast as Shakespeare; although he has the thankless task of defending the very movie he’s in as something worthy of Shakespeare. And nothing is worse than a movie that thinks it’s welcome enough to exit with a Bollywood ending, complete with the aforementioned politically correct purple lawn mower chariot.
Gno kidding.

Rich’s Movie Grade: D+

Directed by: Kelly Asbury

Written by: Kelly Asbury, Mark Burton, Kevin Cecil, Emily Cook, Kathy Greenberg, Andy Riley, and Steve Hamilton Shaw (screenplay); based on an original screenplay by Rob Sprackling and John R. Smith.

And some William Shakespeare guy who apparently wrote the original play.

I want to begin by saying “Gnomeo and Juliet” isn’t a film I would recommend for little kids. The animated film feels too long and contains much to much adult humor to be appreciated by small children. Also the film is laden with political and social messages that go from a subtle nudge to a slap in the face.

“Gnomeo and Juliet” is released through Touchstone Pictures, the more adult oriented arm of the Disney Company for those reasons.

The film re-tells Shakespeare’s classic tale using lawn gnomes. Each family of gnomes is bedecked in a different color, red or blue. Juliet, a red gnome falls for Gnomeo, a blue gnome and thus the conflict begins as the star-crossed lovers try to find a way to be together as their families fight.

The film tries too hard be kid-friendly and succeeds a few times getting laughs, but over-all “Gnomeo & Juliet” is too serious about itself. Because of that, I think adults will fare better from the film than their kids will.

I am giving it an extra ½ grade for the cleaver use of (Executive Producer) Elton John’s music.

“Gnomeo & Juliet” gets a C and is rated G.

Rich’s Quickie: Go see it; but bring earplugs

Say What? Firstly, let me say that I am obviously so NOT the demo for Justin Bieber; I knew nothing of him or his music going in, and fully expected to be bored out of my skull. But not only do the folks at MTV know how to make a music documentary (or is it a concert video? How about Concertmentary? Docucert?), but they also have great subject matter in Justin Bieber.
Virtually unknown just over a year ago, the flick follows Justin from his early days (and I mean REALLY early days; like in diapers), as small kid from a broken home in Canada, whose religious mother struggles to raise him on her own, with the help of loving grandparents. Through their love and attention, they end up raising quite a nice young man, who is hard NOT to like.
Early on they see him gravitate towards percussion and that he has a good sense of rhythm (we get to see it too, as Justin grew up in the age of Instant Documentation, and footage abounds of his nearly every move). They encourage him and he responds VERY well, and by the age of 12 his is asking permission to sing out front of a local building that attracts street muses of all stripes. By now he is also playing guitar and some piano, as well as singing and writing his own songs. Someone on the street has a camera phone, posts the resulting video on the Internet, and the viral Fever is off and running. He creates more homemade videos, and soon a record producer in Atlanta finds and believes in him, even against the wishes of some of his skeptical fellow colleagues. Through hard work, determination, and a very supportive system of friends and employees around him, Bieber Fever spreads throughout the land, and he eventually sells out Madison Square Garden.
The story is amazing enough, but the filmmakers also do a lot right, here, allowing the fans who catapulted him to fame to also take center stage (sometimes literally). You really get a sense of not only what Bieber is like (respectful, playful, and self-deprecating), but also what it’s like to be a fan at his concert. Although the 3D seems unnecessary most of the time, it’s well used (and abused, here and there) during the concert footage, allowing the movie-going audience to feel like they are actually at his concert.
There are also some surprises thrown in for those familiar with his story, as Usher, Miley Cyrus and even Jaden Smith share the stage with Bieber on occasion. But the movie takes the time to center not only on Bieber and his fans, but even on his family, staff and and friends.

Never! Probably the only downsides to the movie were all the screaming fans the movie theater; nearly perpetual banshees screaming at every little thing (even the frigging “Recycle your 3D Glasses” slate – I guess because that meant the movie was about to start). Who knew going green would elicit so much fun? Also, what would it a film be without a little bit of drama? Bieber’s voice takes a beating being so young, and performing some 86 shows prior to his MSG date, that he has to cancel a concert or two otherwise risk his historic gig. Will he make it? Will the show go as scheduled? Duh; that’s what the title refers to – his playing Madison Square Garden at such a young age, and under quite the self-imposed deadline. But even in this pseudo-drama there is much to be learned about Mr. Bieber, and how a teenager has to come to grips with some rather adult decisions to follow his dream. Not bad for a 16 year old kid from Canada.

Rich’s Movie Grade: A-

Director: Jon Chu

Set in ancient Rome, The Eagle focuses on a young Roman soldier on his first command. He is assigned to oversee a distant fort staffed by uninspired men. Then, as fate would have it, he out maneuvers an attacking enemy and wins the day and the respect of his men.

However, he is wounded in battle and decides on an early retirement to pursue his true intent of uncovering the mystery of his soldier father’s death and to bring back the emblem of his lost battalion, a gold eagle.

All this happens in the first 20 minutes of the film as a device to explain the character of “Marcus,” played by Channing Tatum.

While Marcus is healing at his uncle’s house, he saves a slave (Jamie Bell) from death in the arena and the two set off on the adventure of clearing Marcus’ father’s name and locating the lost battalion and their emblem.

During their long and arduous road trip, we discover the slave’s back story as the son of the leader of the opposing side whom Marcus’ father fought and slaughtered.

Although the two are at odds, they begin to trust each other. Think “Enemy Mine” meets “Gladiator” and you kind of get the idea.

Although the film is predictable, familiar and even a bit long in the tooth, it isn’t without merit. Every so often we need to be reminded there are two sides to every battle. And the themes found in the film are universal concepts. Themes like the father’s honor, the son’s redemption. There’s the slave and master sub-plot and yes, the enemies that must work together for a common goal storyline.

These plots are not only part of Greek and Roman stories, but can be found in westerns and sci-fi films as well.

And I think “The Eagle” deals with these themes very well, but with too heavy a hand. The majority of the audiences seeing this film might appreciate some lighter moments to offset the film’s heavier sequences.

I also think the problem most audiences will have with the film is there’s not that many battles and action to underscore the story. What action there is in the film, is mired with almost too much “realism.”

Relying mostly on dialogue to keep the plot moving, “The Eagle” forgets the basic rule of making a film – “Show us not tell us.”

Channing Tatum actually offers up a decent performance, but to be honest, it’s hard to accept him in this kind of role. Tatum is simply out of the audience’s comfort zone.

On the other hand, Jamie Bell’s performance feels more natural as he slips into his role somewhat easier and actually plays off of Tatum’s stiff-necked Roman fairly well.

That being said, the film still needed to offer more rock and less talk to become a better than an average movie experience.

It gets a C and is rated PG-13.

Rich’s Quickie: During an expedition to the unexplored and least accessible cave system in the world, an underwater cave diving team gets trapped in a movie with lots of silly parts that undermine the whole.

Being promoted as brought to you by “James Cameron; creator of Titanic and Avatar” (when he is actually only one of nine producers), Sanctum certainly has many earmarks of a Cameron-fest; it’s shot in 3D (Avatar), a team of folks have to band together to survive and get picked off one by one (Aliens), it’s underwater… and there’s a storm coming… and it arrives much earlier than expected forcing the folks below to fend for themselves since the rest of the team above must retreat (The Abyss, The Abyss, and The Abyss). Unfortunately, Richard Roxburgh is the only one who makes it out of this thing “alive,” as most of the other actors were alternately stiff or over the top. The 3D is fine, but the movie itself them is so forced in the first two acts, and just plain silly in the third, that I couldn’t wait for the water to rise. The only redeemable aspects are the action sequences.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated R for language, some violence and disturbing images.

Director: Alister Grierson
Writers: John Garvin (screenplay), Andrew Wight (screenplay/story)

Rich’s Quickie: Leighton Meetser is convincing in a decent thriller hampered with a weak ending.

G-day, Mate! Otherwise known as “Single White College-age Female,” this film walks familiar territory while trying to make the best of the genre’s clichés: A shower scene that you think you’ve seen before is done just a touch differently, and the body count doesn’t stack as high as you’d expect. “The Roommate” opts instead for some creepy scenes fueled mostly by Leighton Meester’s endearing but unstable “Rebecca,” who develops quite the obsession with her roommate “Sarah”, played by Minka Kelly (figures; Kelly stole my heart in a single scene as “Autumn” at the end of “500 Days of Summer”. The first act is a little weak, with Rebecca becoming instantly focused on Sarah, acting weird upon the very first moment, nearly tipping her hand that something is amiss too soon. Fortunately the second act gets genuinely creepy…

Gimmie some Room! Unfortunately, the third act goes right off the rails. Not the that first two were perfect, mind you, replete with the usual impossibly rad frat party populated with impossibly beautiful people, a college-level party band sounding like a fully-polished seasoned touring act, and lead characters whose hair, nails and makeup are perfect, dressing in the latest fashionable mini-skirts throughout (not to mention the now nearly obligatory but PG-13 lesbian scene). It gave in to just as many clichés as it avoided, and it also didn’t help that Cam Gigandet showed up as “Stephen,” he of the perpetual and forced smolder; or that Alyson Michalka shows up as… well, as virtually every other character she’s ever played (this time called “Tracy”). But Rebecca finally goes full psycho with predictable results, including a chick fight edited so poorly you can barely tell what’s going on. And with a final scene reminiscent of “Poltergeist” but way out of sync with the tone of the preceding movie, “The Roommate” deserved a better ending. Still, before that, it had promise.

Movie Grade: C+

Rated PG-13
Director: Christian E. Christiansen
Writer: Sonny Mallhi

Anytime a script calls for 3 or more people to be trapped somewhere trying to escape, you enter the cliché zone. And “Sanctum” is no exception.

The film revolves around a group of cave divers, financed (of course) by an eccentric billionaire who get trapped in a massive cave they are exploring. As their expensive equipment begins to fail, they struggle to stay alive and find a way out.

Ok, sounds like a good plot but what the film does is boil everything down to its basic stereotype and the film becomes predictable, formulaic and boring. So boring most of the audience was looking for a way out long before the actors on the screen.

On the bright side, the 3-D effects in the film were done remarkably well, but that doesn’t erase the fact that bad is even worse in 3-D.

When all is said and done, “Sanctum” is a forgettable film with paper-thin characters and a lackluster script they tried selling to James Cameron fans by attaching his name (as Executive Producer) to the poster art and TV ads.

It gets a D and is rated R

Based on a 30’s radio show, newspaper publisher Britt Reid’s alter ego “The Green Hornet” was a kind of anti-hero hero. Seemingly a criminal, the masked Hornet and his trusted sidekick, Kato, battled criminals (and sometimes the law) to make sure justice was served.

If the plot is a bit familiar to you (especially anyone older than 50) you’re right, as The Green Hornet takes its plot line from “The Lone Ranger” legend.

In fact, Britt Reid is the grand nephew of John Reid, the Lone Ranger himself.

In the new film “The Green Hornet,” Britt Reid is a spoiled rich kid with daddy issues who is board with his life. After his father dies and leaves his media empire to Britt, the young man begins to find some purpose in helping those who can’t help themselves.

Seth Rogen (who also co-wrote the screenplay) takes on the challenge of playing the masked vigilante with Jay Chou as Kato, a car mechanic who has a knack of invention and making coffee.

The script is smart and action filled with just enough tongue-in-cheek humorous dialogue to give the film a sense of itself as both Britt and Kato discover they may have bitten off more than they can chew.

I do have a couple of minor problems beginning with the fact this update of the Green Hornet should have been released in the summer, as I think it would fare better to a summer audience. And the 3-D was choppy, hindering and actually was unnecessary as it did not add to the film in the least.

But despite those drawbacks, “The Green Hornet” is worth the ticket in.

It gets a B and is rated PG-13 for sequences of violent action, language, sensuality and drug content.

Rich’s Quickie: “Country WRONG!” Or maybe “Country Weak?” “Country Lame?” Or howabout “Most Of This Country Was Left On The Edit Room Floor?”

God’s Country: Only the most devoted of country fans will enjoy this predictable ode to virtually every country song and/or big star cliché you’ve ever heard. And although its cast does a fine enough job, they can’t save this script from itself.

CounTry, try again! What buzz exists around this movie has mostly to do with the actors singing convincingly; and they do. And although that may be fine for a music video, decent singing does not a movie make. Also, with pitch correction and all manner of studio tricks that abound nowadays, I’m sure I could get my dog to sound at least half as good. Which leaves us with the movie…
…and what a movie. It gives us virtually no one to identify with or cheer for, with a cast nearly void of any desirable attributes. Gwyneth Paltrow plays Kelly Canter, a spoiled alcoholic near has-been country star, who is having a rough time on the circuit after losing her developing baby after drunkenly falling off a stage. She sleeps around on her husband for reasons no more important than securing a tour date whilst suspecting her husband – played by real-life country star Tim McGraw – is cheating on her. Meanwhile, McGraw’s James Canter is a shell of man, both manipulative and submissive in his handling of his meal ticket wife while keeping his eye out for newer, fresher, greener and younger horizons without all the hassle in the form of newcomer Chiles Stanton (played by Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester). Meester’s Stanton is an airhead beauty pageant wannabe, who often freezes up on stage, which may keep her from fulfilling her dream of being the next bubble gum country star. She’s also gullible as to fall for the aw shucks manner of fellow country-crooner Beau Hutton (played by Garret Hedlund of TRON: Legacy), even after he treats her badly a bit. Meanwhile, Hedlund’s Hutton has also hitched his wagon to the Kelly Canter star by sleeping with her while she was good and vulnerable in rehab, but may have genuinely fallen for her; indeed, he’s one of the few people who seems to show concern for her in her delicate state. That is at least until Canter inexplicably breaks it off with him for some unknown reason, and then he finds solace rather quickly in Stanton’s bed… and equally inexplicably he falls for her, and eventually asks her to leave the circuit altogether and go with him to some Podunk town and sing to only a barful of people since he disdains the country bubble gum they’ve recently been chewing. Just as unbelievably, she eventually agrees.
All this, and I have yet to mention the bird-in-a-box as useless and incomplete metaphor, the undeveloped subplots, the motivations that turn on a dime with no explanation, that the only bona fide country star in the movie doesn’t sing a note, or that Paltrow’s character (or any of them, for that matter), don’t display anything like unto Strength — much less of the Country Strong variety, whatever THAT means. Just mosey on right by Country Strong.

Movie Grade: D

Rated PG-13 for thematic elements involving alcohol abuse and some sexual content.
Director: Shana Feste
Writer: Shana Feste

Rich’s Quickie: Not a great movie, but I’ve certainly seen worse this year – and it’s only January!

A Witch! Nicolas Cage plays a Behman, a wandering ex-crusader with a conscience (which only develops after killing one too-many innocents), with his trusty cohort Felson (played by Hellboy Ron Pearlman) in tow. They turn their backs on the Church and its crusades and wander aimlessly, until they get a chance to Set Things Right by delivering a suspected witch to a Monastary where she can be properly judged as the possible source of the Black Plauge. Ever the erstwhile do-gooder – or at least he is NOW – Behman wishes to make sure the girl is dealt with justly, and reluctantly agrees to deliver her. What follows is a bit of a throwaway movie, but it certainly delivers a good time; with plenty of action (after a bit of a slow middle), special effects and an ending that wraps things up neatly.

A Newt? What hampers Season of the Witch is mostly its tone; at times decidedly violent and creepy, and other times it’s a buddy-knight tale, with one-liners being bandied about during life-or-death experiences. Some movies balance the two, but this one doesn’t. It just feels like it wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be, and mixes the two genres in unequal and confusing ways. It’s also edited a bit strangely in spots, not showing us some action that would have been satisfying (like the suspected witch rescuing a captor is a tight spot), while showing others that seemed to undermine the threat (dead monks brought to life are shown using an effect taken straight from The Grudge or The Ring that makes them anything BUT scary or threatening). Even some of the actual language used is questionable, and I wondered if people really spoke that way in the 1300’s. But still, as an adventure film, I’ve certainly had worse times in the theater.

Movie Grade: C

Rated PG-13 for thematic elements, violence and disturbing content.
Director: Dominic Sena
Writer: Bragi F. Schut