Talking Pictures

Rich’s Quickie: Drives along pretty well for what it is.

Critics often bemoan the movie that doesn’t have a “sense of itself”; a movie that the audience laughs at even while it takes itself very seriously – or just the opposite. Or a movie that is trying so hard to be art house, it becomes out house. Drive Angry is not one of these; it knows exactly what it is, even if it misses the mark on occasion. It is an unapologetic grind house flick, complete with explosions and body parts coming at you in 3D. Although chewing a lot of scenery, Nic Cage is not quite as over the top as you’d expect, and the show is pretty much stolen by William Fichtner’s foul-mouth and Amber Heard’s short shorts. Although a bit tedious in the middle, Drive Angry eventually delivers on the promises it makes in its first act.

Movie Grade: C+

Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, grisly images, some graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.

Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Patrick Lussier

Rich’s Quickie: I’ll pass…

The Farrelly Brothers have made a career out of never growing up (starting with Dumb and Dumber and possibly climaxing prematurely with There’s Something About Mary, way back in 1998), so why not a movie about …never growing up? The premise promised to be funny; what would middle-aged men do with themselves if given a pass on marital responsibility for a week?
But such an idea simply seems to be an excuse for the apparent trifecta (I hate that frigging non-word) of modern-day R-rated comedies: scatological jokes, scenes of masturbation, and full-frontal male nudity. The Farrelly’s knew how to handle such over-the-top bawdry, but this just comes off as trying too hard to be the next 40 Year Old Virgin, or Hangover. And, as always, comedy tries to have a soft moral center, and “teach you a lesson” in the end. Why oh WHY can’t a comedy NOT apologize for what it is and just be funny all the way through and not try and make me a better person? And if you’re going roll scenes through the credits, at least make them worth the wait, and not just more of the junk I just sat through.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated R for crude and sexual humor throughout, language, some graphic nudity and drug use.

Directed by: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Written by: Pete Jones (screenplay) & Peter Farrelly (screenplay) & Kevin Barnett (screenplay) & Bobby Farrelly (screenplay) (as Bob Farrelly); Pete Jones (story)

Nicolas Cage is back from Hell and wants revenge and will stop at nothing to find those who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

That’s all you need to know about “Drive Angry” – and maybe perhaps that it carries an R for a reason.

A violent and graphically brutal “grind house” film which makes optimum use of Cage’s deadpan style and 3-D effects, “Drive Angry” is darkly funny.

I will admit “Drive Angry” is not for everyone.

But it is for those looking for some fast-paced, no holes barred adult entertainment. And some pretty cool and very fast cars.

It gets a B and is rated R.

Hall Pass is a great example of a film trying too hard to be over-the-top. This uneven comedy, starring Owen Wilson, would have fared better if it lost the grosser scenes (which seemed to be tacked on anyway) and went with a PG-13 rating.

What “Hall Pass” suffers from is “Hangover” envy. But mistakes “gross slop” for “cleverly outrageous” at every turn, making the experience under whelming and forgettable.

“Hall Pass” gets a D and is rated R.

Rich’s Quickie: Neeson kicks some butt yet again!

By virtue of being 6’4” and his performances in Batman Begins, Taken, The A Team (and now, of course, Unknown), Liam Neeson has redefined himself as an action star in addition to being a dependable dramatic star. It’s not that surprising; this was Darkman after all, and before acting he was an amateur boxer. Not bad for a guy pushing 60.
Neeson’s latest has been compared to Taken, but I’m not that sure why; yes, he’s pursing his wife this time instead of his daughter, he’s quite tenacious, and he gets pretty physical with his enemies, but the similarities end there. More equal parts The Fugitive and Total Recall, even with some unbelievable moments it’s a well-developed thriller. Even with a slightly slow middle, under the direction of Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan),the mystery surrounding Neeson’s character builds so that we discover his secrets as he does. While delivering on what you’d expect to get, Unknown also provides a few surprises and a third act that is satisfying.

Movie Grade: B

Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of violence and action, and brief sexual content.

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Written by: Oliver Butcher (screenplay) & Stephen Cornwell (screenplay), Didier Van Cauwelaert (novel “Out of My Head”)

Even with the teaming of Martin Lawrence with Brandon T. Jackson (Tropic Thunder) this film is anything BUT entertaining. In fact it’s the opposite of entertainment, whatever that is.

A total misfire on everyone’s part and I hope who ever “green lit” this at the studio is in the unemployment line tomorrow.

In a word “Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son” is “Crap-tacular!”

It gets an F and is rated PG-13

Think “Escape to Witch Mountain” for older kids and you’ve pretty much got the idea of the new sci-fi film, “ I Am Number Four,” starring Alex Pettyfer, Teresa Palmer and Dianna Agron.

The story is about a group of nine “special” young men and women (by special I mean extraterrestrial) who are sent to Earth for protection. They are hunted by another group of aliens who are killing them off one by one in order of their ability ranking.

Although the plot is a well worn, the film does have a few pluses, like the special effects sequences, which are really well done. Also Teresa Palmer and Timothy Oliphant are in the film.

On the down side (other than Pettyfer and Palmer) we never really meet any of the remaining aliens who are being hunted, which would have made for a better climatic ending. The way the film ends is more like the prologue to a TV series leaving a lot of open ends to be sewn up.

Because of that “I Am Number Four” never catches fire and becomes another less than satisfying sci-fi film.

It gets a C- and is rated PG-13

Rich’s Quickie: Now hear this…

…do not see this movie. Do not buy this movie. Do not rent this movie. Don’t even enter a contest to win this movie for free. It is garbage on every level imaginable; plot, writing, acting, directing, you name it. It is dumb, unbelievable, insulting to women specifically and to movie-going sensibilities everywhere. On top of it all, it is not funny, which I think it was supposed to be.
Send a message that this kind of thing just doesn’t need to be greenlighted anymore, or you will likely see “Big Mommas: Steaming Pile of Crap” in 2012.

Movie Grade: F

Rated PG-13 for some sexual humor and brief violence.

Director: John Whitesell
Written by: Matthew Fogel (screenplay), Don Rhymer (story) and Matthew Fogel (story), and Darryl Quarles (characters)

Rich’s Quickie: Was more like Number Two…

For… why? Other than what I saw in the trailer (which made me think of “X-Men” meets “Push” or “Jumper”), I knew nothing about the novel of the same name. But my concerns for its cinematic version were cemented in the first five minutes, when the narrated exposition broke a major rule of thumb; “show me, don’t tell me”, and quickly dispensed with much of any possible tension or mystery surrounding what we’re about to see. What unfolded was as suspected; a hodgepodge of elements taken from other movies that ultimately didn’t fit together very well, desperately trying to be the next big franchise.
Most of the characters were stock, the dialogue laughable, the drama cheesy, and the music (provided by notorious over-the-topper Trevor Rabin), overly obvious in its agenda. Some of the action sequences were arresting, but all of the aforementioned problems combined with plot issues rendered this a huge set-up film with very little on the line in and of itself. Pretty average and forgettable.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and for language.

Directed by: D.J. Caruso
Written by: Alfred Gough (screenplay) & Miles Millar (screenplay) and Marti Noxon (screenplay), Jobie Hughes (novel) (as Pittacus Lore) & James Frey (novel) (as Pittacus Lore).

Rich’s Quickie: Just don’t go. Unless you’re a huge Adam Sandler fan.

Go With It. This is a pretty standard Adam Sandler film, with his buddies at the helm or showing up in the film, a mix of heart and potty humor, and a message at the end. If you like Sandler’s stuff, you’ll probably like this, but I doubt you’ll see much of anything resembling “new” or “fresh” in it, other than a surprise turn from Nichole Kidman and …Dave Matthews?

Just Go Away. As stated, this is a standard Adam Sandler film; about 20 minutes too long, and not funny enough, at least not all the way through. It’s also coming from the “third act” of his life: his first movie act was his goofy stuff; “Happy Madison”, “The Waterboy” and the like. His quite short second act was a stab at more dramatic fare: “Punch Drunk Love” – which was critically well received but didn’t make much money. So Sandler did the Vince Vaughn thing (after Vaughn also tried and failed at dramatic fare), and returned to what he was known for, and what his audience was comfortable seeing him do, but with a twist; his third act is Adam Sandler as a professionally successful good guy with hot significant other/wife.
So true to this third act form, Sandler plays a successful plastic surgeon with a string of the hottest sweet young thangs ever to grace the screen (including THE ROOMMATE obsession Minka Kelly), culminating in young blonde bombshell “Palmer” played by Brooklyn Decker (with whom he gets along VERY well, VERY quickly, proving yet another Adam Sandler Onscreen Axiom: no matter WHAT you look like, if you have money, hot chicks will dig you).
Don’t believe me? Just think about the bevy of beauties that Sandler has written in as his Other: Jenifer Anniston, Salma Hayek, Keri Russel, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale – I rest my case..! Although I probably had you at Salma Hayek.
If there’s a strength to this latest Sandler retread it’s the supporting cast, not only the aforementioned Jennifer Anniston, but also younger stars Bailee Madison, and Griffin Gluck who play Anniston’s kids. Other than that, you’ve seen all of this before; and with “Jack and Jill” on the way (with perennially cute Katie Holmes probably playing his wife or something), get ready to see it all again. No matter; it’ll make 100 million anyway.

Rich’s Movie Grade: C

Directed by: Denis Dugan
Written by: Allan Loeb and Timothy Dowling; I.A.L. Diamond (screenplay “Cactus Flower”); Abe Burrows (stage play); Pierre Barillet and Jean-Pierre Grédy (French play)