Talking Pictures

Rich’s Quickie: Drives along pretty well for what it is.

Critics often bemoan the movie that doesn’t have a “sense of itself”; a movie that the audience laughs at even while it takes itself very seriously – or just the opposite. Or a movie that is trying so hard to be art house, it becomes out house. Drive Angry is not one of these; it knows exactly what it is, even if it misses the mark on occasion. It is an unapologetic grind house flick, complete with explosions and body parts coming at you in 3D. Although chewing a lot of scenery, Nic Cage is not quite as over the top as you’d expect, and the show is pretty much stolen by William Fichtner’s foul-mouth and Amber Heard’s short shorts. Although a bit tedious in the middle, Drive Angry eventually delivers on the promises it makes in its first act.

Movie Grade: C+

Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, grisly images, some graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.

Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Patrick Lussier

Rich’s Quickie: I’ll pass…

The Farrelly Brothers have made a career out of never growing up (starting with Dumb and Dumber and possibly climaxing prematurely with There’s Something About Mary, way back in 1998), so why not a movie about …never growing up? The premise promised to be funny; what would middle-aged men do with themselves if given a pass on marital responsibility for a week?
But such an idea simply seems to be an excuse for the apparent trifecta (I hate that frigging non-word) of modern-day R-rated comedies: scatological jokes, scenes of masturbation, and full-frontal male nudity. The Farrelly’s knew how to handle such over-the-top bawdry, but this just comes off as trying too hard to be the next 40 Year Old Virgin, or Hangover. And, as always, comedy tries to have a soft moral center, and “teach you a lesson” in the end. Why oh WHY can’t a comedy NOT apologize for what it is and just be funny all the way through and not try and make me a better person? And if you’re going roll scenes through the credits, at least make them worth the wait, and not just more of the junk I just sat through.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated R for crude and sexual humor throughout, language, some graphic nudity and drug use.

Directed by: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Written by: Pete Jones (screenplay) & Peter Farrelly (screenplay) & Kevin Barnett (screenplay) & Bobby Farrelly (screenplay) (as Bob Farrelly); Pete Jones (story)

Rich’s Quickie: Neeson kicks some butt yet again!

By virtue of being 6’4” and his performances in Batman Begins, Taken, The A Team (and now, of course, Unknown), Liam Neeson has redefined himself as an action star in addition to being a dependable dramatic star. It’s not that surprising; this was Darkman after all, and before acting he was an amateur boxer. Not bad for a guy pushing 60.
Neeson’s latest has been compared to Taken, but I’m not that sure why; yes, he’s pursing his wife this time instead of his daughter, he’s quite tenacious, and he gets pretty physical with his enemies, but the similarities end there. More equal parts The Fugitive and Total Recall, even with some unbelievable moments it’s a well-developed thriller. Even with a slightly slow middle, under the direction of Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan),the mystery surrounding Neeson’s character builds so that we discover his secrets as he does. While delivering on what you’d expect to get, Unknown also provides a few surprises and a third act that is satisfying.

Movie Grade: B

Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of violence and action, and brief sexual content.

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Written by: Oliver Butcher (screenplay) & Stephen Cornwell (screenplay), Didier Van Cauwelaert (novel “Out of My Head”)

Rich’s Quickie: Now hear this…

…do not see this movie. Do not buy this movie. Do not rent this movie. Don’t even enter a contest to win this movie for free. It is garbage on every level imaginable; plot, writing, acting, directing, you name it. It is dumb, unbelievable, insulting to women specifically and to movie-going sensibilities everywhere. On top of it all, it is not funny, which I think it was supposed to be.
Send a message that this kind of thing just doesn’t need to be greenlighted anymore, or you will likely see “Big Mommas: Steaming Pile of Crap” in 2012.

Movie Grade: F

Rated PG-13 for some sexual humor and brief violence.

Director: John Whitesell
Written by: Matthew Fogel (screenplay), Don Rhymer (story) and Matthew Fogel (story), and Darryl Quarles (characters)

Rich’s Quickie: Was more like Number Two…

For… why? Other than what I saw in the trailer (which made me think of “X-Men” meets “Push” or “Jumper”), I knew nothing about the novel of the same name. But my concerns for its cinematic version were cemented in the first five minutes, when the narrated exposition broke a major rule of thumb; “show me, don’t tell me”, and quickly dispensed with much of any possible tension or mystery surrounding what we’re about to see. What unfolded was as suspected; a hodgepodge of elements taken from other movies that ultimately didn’t fit together very well, desperately trying to be the next big franchise.
Most of the characters were stock, the dialogue laughable, the drama cheesy, and the music (provided by notorious over-the-topper Trevor Rabin), overly obvious in its agenda. Some of the action sequences were arresting, but all of the aforementioned problems combined with plot issues rendered this a huge set-up film with very little on the line in and of itself. Pretty average and forgettable.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and for language.

Directed by: D.J. Caruso
Written by: Alfred Gough (screenplay) & Miles Millar (screenplay) and Marti Noxon (screenplay), Jobie Hughes (novel) (as Pittacus Lore) & James Frey (novel) (as Pittacus Lore).

Rich’s Quickie: Just don’t go. Unless you’re a huge Adam Sandler fan.

Go With It. This is a pretty standard Adam Sandler film, with his buddies at the helm or showing up in the film, a mix of heart and potty humor, and a message at the end. If you like Sandler’s stuff, you’ll probably like this, but I doubt you’ll see much of anything resembling “new” or “fresh” in it, other than a surprise turn from Nichole Kidman and …Dave Matthews?

Just Go Away. As stated, this is a standard Adam Sandler film; about 20 minutes too long, and not funny enough, at least not all the way through. It’s also coming from the “third act” of his life: his first movie act was his goofy stuff; “Happy Madison”, “The Waterboy” and the like. His quite short second act was a stab at more dramatic fare: “Punch Drunk Love” – which was critically well received but didn’t make much money. So Sandler did the Vince Vaughn thing (after Vaughn also tried and failed at dramatic fare), and returned to what he was known for, and what his audience was comfortable seeing him do, but with a twist; his third act is Adam Sandler as a professionally successful good guy with hot significant other/wife.
So true to this third act form, Sandler plays a successful plastic surgeon with a string of the hottest sweet young thangs ever to grace the screen (including THE ROOMMATE obsession Minka Kelly), culminating in young blonde bombshell “Palmer” played by Brooklyn Decker (with whom he gets along VERY well, VERY quickly, proving yet another Adam Sandler Onscreen Axiom: no matter WHAT you look like, if you have money, hot chicks will dig you).
Don’t believe me? Just think about the bevy of beauties that Sandler has written in as his Other: Jenifer Anniston, Salma Hayek, Keri Russel, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale – I rest my case..! Although I probably had you at Salma Hayek.
If there’s a strength to this latest Sandler retread it’s the supporting cast, not only the aforementioned Jennifer Anniston, but also younger stars Bailee Madison, and Griffin Gluck who play Anniston’s kids. Other than that, you’ve seen all of this before; and with “Jack and Jill” on the way (with perennially cute Katie Holmes probably playing his wife or something), get ready to see it all again. No matter; it’ll make 100 million anyway.

Rich’s Movie Grade: C

Directed by: Denis Dugan
Written by: Allan Loeb and Timothy Dowling; I.A.L. Diamond (screenplay “Cactus Flower”); Abe Burrows (stage play); Pierre Barillet and Jean-Pierre Grédy (French play)

Rich’s Quickie: Poli-Sci for kids.

Gno Way! A re-telling of William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” as seen though the eyes of competing garden Gnome families (imagine hearing THAT in a pitch meeting), “Gnomeo and Juliet” instead plays out as not-so subtle political message for the young ones.
The Blues don’t talk to the Reds and neither do the Reds bother with the Blues, except to mess with them. The Reds seem to be perennially on the attack (even dastardly cheating in a lawn mower drag race), and the Blues are always on the defensive. But their endless bickering threatens the condition of both their gardens, as well as the possible relationship between our two star-crossed lovers. This metaphor goes so far as to show an explosion looking much like a mushroom cloud when one of the opposing lawn mowers explodes during a raid on the others’ garden. But at least everything ends up okay, as Gnomeo and Juliet ride off into the sunset on a purple lawn mower.
Further, when not overtly political, the movie makes use of referential humor to other movies kids probably haven’t – and maybe shouldn’t – have seen; “American Beauty” and “Brokeback Mountain” among them. The audience I attended this screening with was fairly quiet throughout (although they were also pretty quiet during the previews of “Mars Needs Moms” and “Cars 2,” so maybe they just weren’t in the mood).
The best part of this movie is an online advertisement for a supped-up lawn mower that I so obviously funny (apparently even to the filmmakers) that they show it twice.

Way. This is all set to the music of Elton John, and mostly – thankfully –his older, classic stuff (although the viewer is subjected to a few throwaway new tunes). But even there, decisions are confusing; the opening lawn-mower drag race sequence is set to a thankfully un-updated “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting”, while the words to “Crocodile Rock” are puzzlingly changed. Some songs made sense in their placement, others less so. At least Exec Producer John knew enough to leave out the lyrics to “The Bitch Is Back” when using it in a kid’s film.
Finally, as far as voice work is concerned (and although I love Emily Blunt), her choice as Juliet and James McAvoy as Gnomeo is as much of a head-scratcher as anything else; their voices are still too unknown to memorable. And is it just me, or does Michael Caine sound positively BORED whenever he does voice work? At least Patrick Stewart is perfectly cast as Shakespeare; although he has the thankless task of defending the very movie he’s in as something worthy of Shakespeare. And nothing is worse than a movie that thinks it’s welcome enough to exit with a Bollywood ending, complete with the aforementioned politically correct purple lawn mower chariot.
Gno kidding.

Rich’s Movie Grade: D+

Directed by: Kelly Asbury

Written by: Kelly Asbury, Mark Burton, Kevin Cecil, Emily Cook, Kathy Greenberg, Andy Riley, and Steve Hamilton Shaw (screenplay); based on an original screenplay by Rob Sprackling and John R. Smith.

And some William Shakespeare guy who apparently wrote the original play.

Rich’s Quickie: During an expedition to the unexplored and least accessible cave system in the world, an underwater cave diving team gets trapped in a movie with lots of silly parts that undermine the whole.

Being promoted as brought to you by “James Cameron; creator of Titanic and Avatar” (when he is actually only one of nine producers), Sanctum certainly has many earmarks of a Cameron-fest; it’s shot in 3D (Avatar), a team of folks have to band together to survive and get picked off one by one (Aliens), it’s underwater… and there’s a storm coming… and it arrives much earlier than expected forcing the folks below to fend for themselves since the rest of the team above must retreat (The Abyss, The Abyss, and The Abyss). Unfortunately, Richard Roxburgh is the only one who makes it out of this thing “alive,” as most of the other actors were alternately stiff or over the top. The 3D is fine, but the movie itself them is so forced in the first two acts, and just plain silly in the third, that I couldn’t wait for the water to rise. The only redeemable aspects are the action sequences.

Movie Grade: C-

Rated R for language, some violence and disturbing images.

Director: Alister Grierson
Writers: John Garvin (screenplay), Andrew Wight (screenplay/story)

Rich’s Quickie: Leighton Meetser is convincing in a decent thriller hampered with a weak ending.

G-day, Mate! Otherwise known as “Single White College-age Female,” this film walks familiar territory while trying to make the best of the genre’s clichés: A shower scene that you think you’ve seen before is done just a touch differently, and the body count doesn’t stack as high as you’d expect. “The Roommate” opts instead for some creepy scenes fueled mostly by Leighton Meester’s endearing but unstable “Rebecca,” who develops quite the obsession with her roommate “Sarah”, played by Minka Kelly (figures; Kelly stole my heart in a single scene as “Autumn” at the end of “500 Days of Summer”. The first act is a little weak, with Rebecca becoming instantly focused on Sarah, acting weird upon the very first moment, nearly tipping her hand that something is amiss too soon. Fortunately the second act gets genuinely creepy…

Gimmie some Room! Unfortunately, the third act goes right off the rails. Not the that first two were perfect, mind you, replete with the usual impossibly rad frat party populated with impossibly beautiful people, a college-level party band sounding like a fully-polished seasoned touring act, and lead characters whose hair, nails and makeup are perfect, dressing in the latest fashionable mini-skirts throughout (not to mention the now nearly obligatory but PG-13 lesbian scene). It gave in to just as many clichés as it avoided, and it also didn’t help that Cam Gigandet showed up as “Stephen,” he of the perpetual and forced smolder; or that Alyson Michalka shows up as… well, as virtually every other character she’s ever played (this time called “Tracy”). But Rebecca finally goes full psycho with predictable results, including a chick fight edited so poorly you can barely tell what’s going on. And with a final scene reminiscent of “Poltergeist” but way out of sync with the tone of the preceding movie, “The Roommate” deserved a better ending. Still, before that, it had promise.

Movie Grade: C+

Rated PG-13
Director: Christian E. Christiansen
Writer: Sonny Mallhi

Rich’s Quickie: I friggin’ LOVE this movie!

Okay, I’m going to gush. If Natalie Portman doesn’t get at LEAST a best actor nomination, something is very WRONG out there. “Black Swan” has it all for me; the acting, the writing, and the direction is all first rate, but be warned – it is a nasty movie about the underside of, well nearly everyone IN the movie. It has an R rating and it earns it, and it is downright unnerving. It got under my skin while watching it, and it genuinely creeped me out. And that’s just what a psychological horror film is supposed to do, and don’t let all the pretty ballet moves deceive you – it is a psychological HORROR film… and a really GOOD one.

Movie Grade: A-

Director: Darren Aronofsky
Writers: Mark Heyman (screenplay) and Andres Heinz (screenplay) and John J. McLaughlin (screenplay) (as John McLaughlin), and Andres Heinz (story)

Rated R for strong sexual content, disturbing violent images, language and some drug use.