Talking Pictures

Rich Bonaduce reviews “Valentine’s day”

Rich’s Quickie: If you disliked the holiday of love before, you’re gonna HATE it, now.

Day: Taking place in a single Valentine’s Day by a great cast with an easygoing but lousy script, Valentine’s Day is as shallow and schlocky as its namesake.

Night: There are too many people and story lines to not only follow, but to even FIT into this movie that none are given much onscreen time (in fact, when Jessica Alba appears onscreen again near the end, I thought, “Oh, that’s right — she’s in this movie, too. Where’s she been?”). What plots are interesting have been stolen from other, better movies (“Love, Actually” most easily comes to mind), and of course, the whole premise is based upon beautiful, largely successful people who are not only alone on Valentine’s Day, but are so esteem-bereft that this actually BUGS them. The only folks with a healthy relationship are the two gay guys who seem to have a problem admitting their homosexuality, and George Lopez, the dude with a face like a catcher’s mitt, comparatively. What we’re left with is watching a bunch of gorgeous people whining about their love lives; so much so that if you knew any of these people personally, you’d likely smack them, or think they were heels. In fact, Mr. True Love and Romance in the movie Reed Bennett (played by very likable Ashton Kutcher), asks his live-in girlfriend Morley Clarkson (Alba), to marry him in the morning/beginning of the movie and she accepts… only to have her dis-engage from him and move out of his apartment and his life by mid-afternoon… so that he can completely recover and hook up with life long friendgirl Julia Fitzpatrick (played by Jennifer Garner) by days’ end. Now THAT’S romance!

Not that there aren’t some laughs here and there; it’s just everything else that’s insulting to your intelligence.

Movie Grade: C-

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for some sexual material and brief partial nudity (NO, it’s not Jessica Beil, dammit!)

Director: Garry Marshall

Writers: Katherine Fugate (screenplay), Katherine Fugate (story), Abby Kohn (story) & Marc Silverstein (story); yes, it took THAT many people to write this thing.

Tags: Rich Bonaduce reviews, talking pictures, valentine's day
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